Things got weirder as we discovered the rooms to have multiple doors and some of the beds are hospital beds with less-than-fashionable desaturated photos bed sheet or off-coloured clown bed sheet. Then one of the wardrobe doors decided to open itself when we switched on the ceiling fan and the other wardrobe's door had a 'keep out' scratched on the inside. And, the most horrifying thing happened. When I opened my bag, I realised I didn't bring my tooth brush!!!! =p
So. The next morning I went out and got a tooth brush. Then we see that the place is nowhere near horrifying at all - so many people stay in different cottages plus the place is quite peaceful. On the second night, we even stayed outside near the farm fields to stargaze. As it is near Mandurah, we couldn't really spot the Milky Way, but it was still lots of stars plus we saw a few shooting stars! Tonight I looked up the sky and when I saw the Orion's belt, I think I will never forget the night at Fairbridge stargazing with my fellow leaders.
One of the questions asked during the retreat was what am I expecting more? I was quite disheartened when I reply others of my low pay and well lack of girlfriend too, and also I don't really know what is ahead when I know God calls me back to Malaysia at the right time. I wanted to know more of the plan ahead so I can plan ahead. Then, two different brothers shared the same thing to me yesterday as we were praying. The first time was the prayer at the end of service, the other time as we end our mission team meeting. Then, I looked back into how I came to be who I am, I realised God has always been taking care of me.
The phrase that was repeated was: "God opens and closes doors". Indeed, I ask God for what I want, but I really rather trust in God's providence than what I want as what I want is not necessary what is in God's plan. Somehow I can't really plan ahead. I planned to study Form 6, ended up studying A-Levels; I planned to get JPA scholarship, ended up getting Curtin scholarship; I planned to be single till I am ready, ended up rushed into a relationship which I didn't prepare for; I planned to get work in big architecture firms, ended up in a small architecture firm. I realised the irony of my life: I will be blinded by my wants so God always close the doors to those plans while open doors for other plans, sometimes in blatant defiance, God still uses that path to make me stronger in faith. God doesn't want me to worry about anything else, be it my income, my future or my relationship. God doesn't want me to be bogged down like the Great Gatsby, but want me to trust Him to provide at the right time.
I just need to depend on Him. Be faithful. Be sensitive to Him. Be flexible in my plans. I shall step out and walk on water when He calls. Yes, I might look at the storm and start to sink, but I know when I cry out and reach up, He will pull me back up. My hope is in You.
