And yet today I start to doubt although I have seen so much encouragement and it has brought joy in my life. I feel so stressed, some of it is unnecessary stress: at work, the client kept on changing things and expecting last minute drafting of the drawings. I felt so stressed by the constant pestering, that I felt like vomiting, no appetite to eat and only started to feel hungry at night. My pulse was racing throughout the day as though I had coffee, and I think I am so weak to be unable to handle the stress even after 5 years of studies.
Tonight, I wanted to talk to my friends about it. But, there are more important things to do, or to attend to. Whether willing or unwillingly, I have not shared much of my stress. This is the time I ask God, why, o why have You placed me here to go through this? Is this what you want me to learn?
I was so sure about one thing that You showed me, but I suddenly broke and crashed. Father, I don't know why, or how to deal with it. I can't move, feeling as though a stone has weighed me down in my chest. I can't breath, as though I am breathing in thick water. And yet, my mind refuses to let me rest. Thus, here I am typing vigorously trying to put everything to rest. God, give me faith that I can hold true to You. Let me not be controlled by my emotions but to trust in You, Father.
How deep how wide how long how high is Your love, help me God.
