Another of those sentimental moments. It is painful at times in life. Well, as it is said in Matthew 5:45,
"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Whenever I recall bad memories, I am throwing stones in the pool of memories; the ripples they cause, disturbed the calmed surface of my soul. So, with His grace, I am going to stop doing that, I don't like it when the bitterness of tears touched my lips, and I am a better person letting the Lord carry my burdens, for in Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus said,
"...Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light."
I am recalibrating my bearings, and not aimed at my own goals, but a goal to ultimately serve God. For where I am now, it is not by my own work, not by my own abilities, but by His grace. There are things that I can't see when I was within the acts of life, when I was going through all the troubles and having all the blessings; it is only when I looked into the mirror of past that I realised all those darkness and light are the patterns that guided me to where I am now. I was studying hard, to get a scholarship, because I know for sure I will get the government scholarship if I get good results in SPM; the contrary happened, I wasn't even called for the interview. I tried by myself, but without result. Then, this scholarship came in, not by usual application, but by a rather long set of incidences, and I am grateful for those who helped me through it, and I didn't know it was God's work yet.
And here I am, studying architecture, though wasn't my first choice, as I take my pride in Physics and Mathematics. Over this 3 years, studying architecture has made me humble down. I have never been to any drawing class, nor taken any arts class; believe me, I struggled through my first year in my design. As time comes, things happened and I became separated far from God. I was looking for my own happiness, and it wasn't what I think it would be.
Through His grace, I started to pray again. I started to read Bible again. My perspective of Christianity changed. Before, I was treating every Friday and Sunday as mundane things, my daily devotions were just something that needed to be done, not what I want to do; Now, I see that how much love He has poured into my life, and all that overflowing love is urging me to praise Him and worship Him when I am alone, and when I am with fellow brothers-and sisters-in-Christ. I looked back, and my heart fills with praise for Him for guiding me through all these years so the little sprout of faith will grow healthily and eventually into a tree.
I am looking forward as I am reminded by Psalms 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." He is my guide, my shepherd.
Psalms 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
They comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You annoint my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
He is faithful. He is my place of refuge. When you are going through the stage of your life where you think it is bad; when you are going through difficult times; remember that He is there, and He knows His plan for us. He is my comfort, and I pray that He is yours too.
