2013 is ending; I was reviewing the whole year - through Facebook (can't deny that it is useful as it keeps everything you posted and are tagged in), this blog, my journals and also my accounts. This is a year that I learnt to start walking in faith, not to be weighed down by what I do not know, and to use my time and resources well for what I can do now. This is exactly why I love the Bible, it does not give you the hope and tell nothing about what you should do now; it also does not tell you what you should do now and do not give you the end; it does both - giving you the end to strive for, and teaching you how to walk day-to-day.
It is also a year that I really spend time in ministry work - to care for the university group. It is really such joy to see brothers and sisters in Christ grow and strive together as a family to bless the others. Yes, there are some disappointments, but I was reminded that disappointments are alright - why? That shows I still have expectations of others - albeit they need to be realistic expectations, but if I stop having expectations of others, I have stopped caring.
There is always a constant push for foregoing the ministry, a push from family and friends, consciously or unconsciously. I am always reminded that my pay is low - when I have to tighten my budget on food, and I am always reminded that I am not young anymore (already 25 y.o. ++), that I should settle down with my job and get attached and start to plan for family etc. Every time I thought of all the time and effort spent in ministry may not worth it for myself, I will be reminded of who I was and how I came to Christ and dedicate my life to Him, then I realise it is never about myself.
I am a curious man. I ask myself and others a lot of questions, some just plain informational, others are about deeper spiritual questions. Since young I have read so many articles and books and come to realise materialistic worldview is not the only worldview. There needs to be some explanation for the sense of justice and anger that I feel when I am wronged, the emotions in my heart, the unexplained phenomena and the unexplained history. I like science fiction because they provide alternative explanation of the universe, things that we perceive might be so limited that we do not realise what is out there. I also like religious books and legends and myths, they give some explanation to the existence of the world and us. Then there is also a need to know the future, for which I was curious how the spirit medium / fortune teller know. But all these things are not congruent. They do not speak the same language and they don't complement each other.
Then I start to find answers in the Bible of the creation of the world. In my mind at the point of time, that seems to be the most rational, as its story is actually the least mythical of all the creation stories that I know. The character of God is very strong and consistent, so I started to pray as a teenager to the God that I think created everything, without knowing anything more about the God I am praying to. At that time, Christianity is just another religion for me, and to fulfill my responsibilities I attended all the classes and services and fellowships that I am required to (or I thought I was required to).
But, it was not until my third year in university life when I read the Bible again and really trusting it to be historically accurate that I realise what God has done (after looking up archaeology stuff and historical stuff). I started to see how God is really relevant to each area of my life, from relationships to future. I learnt to listen to God and not just pray for what I think God wants. I learnt to let the joy of knowing God inform what I do.
Being an introvert, I can proudly say that God has balanced me with a nice touch of extrovert-ness. I still enjoy my quiet alone times, but I also enjoy the company of others. I used to worry a lot about what I am expected to do, now I understand that I am following Jesus and not anyone else; this has also released me to be free and not judging leaders whom I am following but treat them as brothers and sisters. I still feel lonely at times, as Paul did, but I know that God is with me and is working in me.
All these won't happen, and I won't be the better me if not a baby was born.
The baby who cried on the night
When the Star of Bethlehem shone
Laid down in the trough
A great miracle
As the almighty God stepped
Out of His almighty throne
Into our fallen world
Showing us
The way
The way
The truth
The life.
Merry Christmas.
