Recently, I am greatly encouraged by what I see. I see God moving people in Passion, I see God moving in my life. No, I am still without an architecture job. But, I am with a convicted heart for Christ like never before.
It has been a blessing to be able to join Passion Easter Retreat 2013. To put in a clichéd way, words simply are not enough to describe it. During the first games, dubbed "A Walk to Remember", as a station master for a game I call "The Blind and the Mute", I see a wonderful scene. I see a brother who is blind, led by another who is mute, and the blind set out to write down all the times for every buses on the bus stands. Each of us is imperfect, but together, we can accomplish impossible tasks. As God has saved us all, and we are all adopted into His saving grace, we are all His children. Through Him, we are hands and feet of the same family, and we will do well to work with one another.
The first night of the PER was on "Unforgiveness". It was on the parable of the unforgiving servant. How much have the servant been forgiven for his debts, yet he has not been able to forgive his fellow servant for a small amount which is almost nothing when compared to what he has been forgiven. In the same way, how much has God forgiven us, each of our transgression, but we are not able to forgive a fellow friend, a family. True, there are hurts that have been in our hearts for long, and it is not easy to forgive, so it has been a great release for those who opened and forgave.
I have been harsh on myself. Self-blaming has taken a toll on my spiritual walk with God. I never felt I did enough, and I felt I have disappointed my family and friends. I have done well with my studies before, and yet here I am without an architecture job. I have been depressed to work on low skill labour jobs. But, during the worship session after the seminar, I realised, I have not been able to forgive myself. There was peace that runs through me, after I have just been reminded of God's grace in me. Now I learnt, that God has a plan for everything.
This comes as even more elaborated as I prepared for an election topic that I was assigned to - "Identity in Christ and Purpose of Life". I saw through the Bible that humans have always been trying to go our own way. We have failed to recognise God in our lives because we think we can do better without Him. But, your real identity won't be the full identity until you are placed within God's perspective. We may identify ourselves with our past, our family, our studies, but none of this matters as much as identity in Christ. God has created me, you, each one of us to be perfect, but sin has tainted our hearts, our minds, our souls, our bodies. It is through faith in Jesus Christ that we can live out the original perfect us that God created, cause through Christ, we are accepted and forgiven. Then, we can truly understand what God's purpose is for us. He never asked us to be wealthy for ourselves, but always blesses us as we bless the others. God wants us to love Him, and to love others. So, I have a renewed heart, one that strive to love God and love others, one that is learning to love and yearning for God.
The dinners I had in camp were beautiful. How I would say. Just dining with fellow brothers and sisters who share the same believe under a darkening sky, to see the orangey light dim to a deep blue and replaced by so many lights up in the dome of sky, it is just wonderful. To sing songs with such an atmosphere is a luxury for me.
I realise I think a lot as I hold stations in games. During the Tough Mudder (which wasn't really that tough, cause we are all nice people), I was holding "the Caterpillar". It is where the first person will be on all fours and the next person will catch on to the first's ankles and form a line, then crawl through a tunnel built from wood pellets. As I dumped sand on everyone passing through the tunnel, I was reminded of how our lives just keep on putting burden upon burden on us. We just can't stop moving. As we stop moving, the sand will continue to pile on, and higher and higher it will go. So we move on, but we do not move on by ourselves, it is through Christ's family that we can move together.
It is really encouraging for me to see so many campers from the young generation rise up for God. I have been blessed by the blessings that I have seen. However, the next day, right after camp ended, was hard. I have to wake up to continue research on a journal article, and to work at night as a kitchenhand. Immediately, I was reminded of the purpose God has for me. I won't give up.
Just today, during Sunday service, after Ps. Moses Tay talked about Jesus as the bridge, there was an altar call. An altar call to let God work within us and recognise His voice, to recognise His presence, while acknowledging His omnipresence. I went up to pray for a dear brother, but I was blessed myself. As Ps. Patrick prayed for me, I couldn't hold back my tears. God is good, and I am here and I felt so much for this community. I felt so much for the people in Passion, and I only hear "be a good shepherd". I am far from a good leader or good teacher, but I am convicted to be a "good shepherd", learning from Jesus's example.
It all followed through, till just now, as I watched the movie "Courageous". I was reminded of when I felt I am a man. Suddenly, I realised, I felt I am a man now, whereas if you asked me a few weeks back I felt that I am still "Ah Boy". I am glad, for God has led me through, not through BMT like the movie "Ah Boys to Men" to be a man, but through each experience in life. I learn to put relationship first, first with God, next with men, and to be courageous as turbulence and challenges arise in life.
And, lastly, the power of hug. As impromptu welcome team (cause a bunch of us arrived early for service), we hugged our friends, our fellow brothers, and the feeling of acceptance is just so abound. Hug someone, show that you care. And God, help me, to live out a life with you at the centre, to have integrity and mercy, to be consistent.
