Super hot. Decided to stay in my room and just look through the window to the bright cloudless sky. Decided to turn on all my chat programs so I can find people to chat.
When I woke up this morning, just felt a sense of sadness, a very subtle one. Probably it is the inertia from the sad and weird dream that I had. I dreamt that my family went missing on a flight. The plane, together with a bunch of other flights just appeared on sea floating, with all of their passengers gone.
A loneliness overwhelmed my eyes. I have to admit that since young I don't know how to maintain a long term friendship, most of my friends come and go, as we moved on to do different things, in different cities. Somehow I felt that I am always alone, just walking in a petty pace from day to day (hah! quote from Macbeth); Occasionally, I got into contact with these early friends and it is always a great time catching up and realising how much each other has changed so much or didn't change much. Maybe because I am just used to not having a deep friendship with people so it is easy for me to just move on, make more friends along the way, and catching up with older friends as time comes.
There was an experience that I cannot forget. Not quite about friendship, but the experience of being alone facing the wave coming at me. Sometime in Form 1, I used to cross this pedestrian bridge over from one side of the main road to the other side where I have to walk further to reach my home. Everytime I cross the bridge, it is also the finish of the afternoon classes of another larger and more prestigious high school, and the students would cross in opposite direction from myself. Obviously, I will be facing a traffic of maybe hundreds against myself, and occasionally some of the students called out names about my school - Budak Kampung (village boy), as my school's name is Kampung Baru, literally means New Village. That, is the first time I felt helpless. Well, I am proud to say the village boy of the past is a future architect, and I would have never thought of that at the time.
I never know in Form 2 I will be transferring to the best school in Sarawak, and it won the national best school awards so many times that it is taken out of the list of consideration to give other schools their chance (at least that is what I heard from the teachers). Little did I know in this school I will get to know a bunch of great friends to study together for PMR and SPM, with the kind guidance of so many good teachers. Little did I know that the principal that took me in will be going over to another college to be CEO when I am in Form 4. Little did I know that I will be studying A-Levels in that college of my ex-principal. Little did I know that I will not get government scholarship although I got the best possible grade for my subjects, applied, failed and appealed. Little did I know that my ex-principal got me a contact through which I get a chance to study in this faraway nation of Australia, in this foreign city of Perth.
And here I am. In Perth. Once a freshman who has no air-cond. water heater and vacuum cleaner at home, never used microwave oven or conventional oven, and with limited spoken English skill, never travelled over'sea's other than to Singapore or if you really want to count, Brunei and West Malaysia. Being about 5 hours away by flight, here I am. Who has lived in both village and city? Who has seen the disparity of opportunities for better life and to make a living? Maybe some has seen, maybe some has felt the need in the younger generation. I know, there is a plan; a plan that is according to the perfect timing in the will of the only God I believe. Time will come; and I will be where He has always planned me to be.
I am not lonely.
When I woke up this morning, just felt a sense of sadness, a very subtle one. Probably it is the inertia from the sad and weird dream that I had. I dreamt that my family went missing on a flight. The plane, together with a bunch of other flights just appeared on sea floating, with all of their passengers gone.
A loneliness overwhelmed my eyes. I have to admit that since young I don't know how to maintain a long term friendship, most of my friends come and go, as we moved on to do different things, in different cities. Somehow I felt that I am always alone, just walking in a petty pace from day to day (hah! quote from Macbeth); Occasionally, I got into contact with these early friends and it is always a great time catching up and realising how much each other has changed so much or didn't change much. Maybe because I am just used to not having a deep friendship with people so it is easy for me to just move on, make more friends along the way, and catching up with older friends as time comes.
There was an experience that I cannot forget. Not quite about friendship, but the experience of being alone facing the wave coming at me. Sometime in Form 1, I used to cross this pedestrian bridge over from one side of the main road to the other side where I have to walk further to reach my home. Everytime I cross the bridge, it is also the finish of the afternoon classes of another larger and more prestigious high school, and the students would cross in opposite direction from myself. Obviously, I will be facing a traffic of maybe hundreds against myself, and occasionally some of the students called out names about my school - Budak Kampung (village boy), as my school's name is Kampung Baru, literally means New Village. That, is the first time I felt helpless. Well, I am proud to say the village boy of the past is a future architect, and I would have never thought of that at the time.
I never know in Form 2 I will be transferring to the best school in Sarawak, and it won the national best school awards so many times that it is taken out of the list of consideration to give other schools their chance (at least that is what I heard from the teachers). Little did I know in this school I will get to know a bunch of great friends to study together for PMR and SPM, with the kind guidance of so many good teachers. Little did I know that the principal that took me in will be going over to another college to be CEO when I am in Form 4. Little did I know that I will be studying A-Levels in that college of my ex-principal. Little did I know that I will not get government scholarship although I got the best possible grade for my subjects, applied, failed and appealed. Little did I know that my ex-principal got me a contact through which I get a chance to study in this faraway nation of Australia, in this foreign city of Perth.
And here I am. In Perth. Once a freshman who has no air-cond. water heater and vacuum cleaner at home, never used microwave oven or conventional oven, and with limited spoken English skill, never travelled over'sea's other than to Singapore or if you really want to count, Brunei and West Malaysia. Being about 5 hours away by flight, here I am. Who has lived in both village and city? Who has seen the disparity of opportunities for better life and to make a living? Maybe some has seen, maybe some has felt the need in the younger generation. I know, there is a plan; a plan that is according to the perfect timing in the will of the only God I believe. Time will come; and I will be where He has always planned me to be.
I am not lonely.
