Sadness and Sorrow

It is so peaceful here that it is hard to imagine the heart-breaking disasters that happen (not happened, not happening, nor going to happen; it is around all the time) around the world.

What am I here for? I do not know if you have ever asked this question. It is, for me, what I have searched for since I become aware of my existence in this world. Well, as a young child, I did not know I have a purpose for this life; just play and go to school, and you have your parents to take care of you. Worry free, until in my teenage years, I started to think, how everyone come to be how everyone is now. There are times where I thought life is just about getting a beautiful girlfriend (ah hem...), get married and that's it; other times I thought I just become another person in society and work hard to earn money and enjoy a luxurious life; even some times I was so inclined to just lay back and relax. 

When I learned to read newspaper, I was opened to this window of society that I have never seen before. I realised there are other people in this world, other countries in this world, and other societies in this world. I realised we are subjected to social norms, to laws and regulations, to constitutions, to expectations...

Suddenly I fell into this deep pit of directionless black hole that kept me looking for a purpose that I existed. 

If I wasn't meant to exist, I might as well be dead right? So, the fact that I am living is a good argument to reason that I am supposed to exist. 

But, is my existence just about surviving? If I just need to survive, I do not need to care about law and regulation, I can just do what I want, even illegally, to satisfy all my wants. 

But, I do not need to do so, so there must be something more than just surviving. If Darwin is correct, we might as well be killing each other off to ensure the survival of genes.

But, we did not do that (excluding wars and other types of killings), because I am very sure I am not a good fighter and I am probably dead by now. Since the popular media is portraying boy-girl relationships as an important part of life, maybe I just need to find a life partner and be together happily ever after.

But, people are not perfect. When I wanted more, I expected more, and it did not go well; I became very 'emo'. What is life about then?

My grandfather once told me that I am destined to become a minister of sort because of my palm print. I was holding on to that as a promise but it is just so far away, and I felt such discouraged by all the dirty tricks in politics. I am not interested in both money and power. What can I hold on to?

I turned towards beliefs. I saw different beliefs in this world, and I tried to understand whatever I could get hold of. I studied Islam, Buddhism, Christianity, being free-thinker, local religions, etc. I wasn't amazed by any except for one, which I felt such strong correlation to the world as how it becomes what it is now. 

That's why I accepted Christ, and I received this promise that I am here for a purpose, but I am not going to define my own purpose, as the Creator is the one who determined our character and our experiences so we are made into His purpose for us, to spread this message of love and hope. 

He was one of us, and as Jesus, He experienced sadness and sorrow (John 11:35), betrayal (Luke 22), and abandonment (Matthew 27:46).

He is my dear friend. He knows me. He knows my sorrow, my worries and my anger. He knows who I am. So, I am following His guidance through prayers to God, guidance throught Holy Spirit, and guidance through His words. 

(Hebrews 13: 5 God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.")
(Deuteronomy 31: 6 ...[God] will never leave you nor forsake you)
(Joshua 1: 5 ...I will never leave you nor forsake you.)